Reputation!

What is reputation? On what factors does your reputation depends upon? I think your reputation is in the hands of society. The situations which you face, your reaction to them at that moment (Most of the time we wonder, why we behaved like that?) and the people who watch you, their intellectual level, how they convey it to others?.

Did you notice something? Our role in building our reputation is very small, its the decision at that moment. But yes decisions which we take most of the time depicts our nature but how others interpret that, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, depends on their nature. They may take that completely in opposite way. Thats why people say "Your reputation is in the hands of others but your character is in your hands".

My reputation was very good. I was very sensitive from the beginning. Appa and Amma were always with me. 25 years of my life, I spent only thinking about others. I had this objective that I should not make others unhappy. I was always trying to keep quite in most of the situation. I never had this "My point of view". Whatever others say I will say "Yes". So naturally I had very good reputation. For everything I used to think "What others may think about me?". And I used to keep quite some time, when others hurt me.

But after three months of marriage for the first time I realized that I too have life, I too have my principles, and for the first time I felt "To hell with society and people. I can't sacrifice all my principle and self respect, just for the fear of society". I told you in the beginning itself, I may not know how to fight but that doesn't mean I allow anyone to play with my self respect.

My parents were with me, but it took me 1.5 years to come out and become a new person. For 25 years I lived a life where people and their point of view was everything and all of a sudden to change myself was not easy job. And obviously even after knowing that whole Shimoga is talking about me (obviously not good things), everyone is curious about me. Even today I can remember those days when hardly 2 or 3 hours I used to sleep and each and every minute I felt the fear in my heart, I used to sit in a room whole day and cry, and that anger against god, and everyone, every day I used to get headache. Those were the worst days of my life. I lost 16kgs of weight.

People used to visit our home just to see me. And.......... leave it. Anuradha madam, my parents and Seetha they tried day and night to bring me out of that pathetic situation.