Fear of loosing my reputation

why I was so scared?. I have thought about this many times. was I scared of losing that person? No way. all I wanted was to get away from him. Today I can answer this very clearly. I was scared of loosing my reputation. I was worried about the shit things that people were talking about me.

And above all I was not knowing my own nature. I used to think "whether what that person is saying is true?" For example, if I heard someone telling that "she is not at all adjustable". I used to think "is it true?". Horrible! My marriage was a very special marriage where only bride was standing in front of people, during marriage as well as reception, as groom felt that bride is below his standard. Still I didn't tell a single word and try to adjust myself for three months (But things got worst day by day). Still I was confused, "oh people are talking like this, is it true?". My confidence level was big zero.

Above all, some people felt that I might be in love with someone else, that's why I took this decision. And for the first time I felt that this world is very dangerous place. And I was scared to live here, for the rest of my life. In short, my knowledge about myself was nill, and I saw the bad side of society for the first time.

But the amazing thing was, I never felt bad for loss of my marriage. According to me, it was not a marriage. But ya some people, really enjoyed it and I am happy that I have helped them for their time pass. I wanted to come out of that horrible state. I didn't have to make any big thing for that. As we know, time is best medicine for everything. but I seriously started thinking about myself for the first time. I wanted to know my point of view, I wanted to take decisions about my life.