Sonu Nigam Concert

Tuesday Sonu Nigam live concert was there in IIT. I love his songs. So I was waiting for that event. From 5.oopm we were standing in queue. Somehow we got place. Whole OAT was filled. He was late, but as soon as he entered people were screaming. It was a very new experience for me where in boys and girls were screaming and dancing throughout the show.

I was standing there and observing people. So nicely they were expressing their happiness through their dance and scream. I have never felt like screaming or dancing in my life. When it comes to expressing my feelings most of the time standard deviation is very less between unhappiness, happiness and normal state. Once it was very high for unhappiness, you can guess when! But after that it has become like constant.

When someone hurts me I avoid talking to them for few hours so that my anger will come down. I don't even feel like telling them them that they are hurting me. I don't know whether it's for good or for bad I have reached a state where I have learned to shut my mouth even tough people are talking shit things about me.

I can't say that I enjoyed the show to full extent. Because after going there I felt that I enjoy music when I am alone. And dance numbers are not my choice. But ya, I enjoyed that enthusiasm, energy shown by people. They were continuously dancing and I was wondering "wont they get tired!". And Sonu Nigam was...... was best as usual :)

Ya, it was a new experience for me.

Relationship

It is so difficult to understand relationships. All my childhood I spent in Kadidal with Ajji. When Ajji was there Kadidal was home for me. I used to get feeling of security which usually we get by reaching home. Ajji was everything for me.

The day Ajji died, morning 8.00 am we reached Kadidal. For the first time I felt as if I am in strange place. For the first time I felt scared that I am alone. Now Kadidal is a strange place for me. At least until Ajja's death I used to visit there. Now............

For the first time I realized the effect of loosing the loved ones. Even on the day of my marriage when that person tied mangalsutra left me alone infront of people and went inside, I felt same scared feeling. Strange when Ajji left my life I felt alone and when this person entered my life I felt the same.

I did become Mrs. Ashwini Arun legally. But by heart I never felt that he is part of mine. His actions, behavior scared me so much that I lost my smile and confidence. It took so much time for me to recover even after kicking him out of my life. To once again smile.

Please, I request people who read this blog. Respect other person's feelings. Everyone in this world has got his own identity and self respect. We call ourself civilized and give advertisement in TV to stop domestic abuse and harassment.

When I asked my x-husband he told me- "I have seen one government officer, whose husband beats her every day. Still she keep quite. Then what is your problem". Please for god sake education is not just for a job.

So much educated, an officer, and everyday abused by her husband! What is the value of that education? Oh you are getting money from which you can get good food, dress and rest everything except self respect. Are you waiting for someone who will come and release you from this pain? It happens only in movie.

And why the hell you expect other person to solve your problem. It's your life? Live it or leave it. But don't waste it for the sake of unworthy people.