Who is perfect woman?
According to Indian mentality woman should be patient, she should never ask any question, always think about others blblabla. In most of the Indian novels you find main female character sacrificing for others, always thinking about others welfare. Somehow they all forget that god has sent her in this world to live. She also can think, she also has some desires.
Then I read "Gone with the wind". You may laugh, but once I finished this book I felt "how can one write a book on negative characters!". I hated Scarlet. Because she was so different from my explanation of good woman. For me that time a story means, there are good people and there are bad people. At the end bad will die or they will be punished. And good people will live happily ever after. Fairy tale :)
I know I know, Rhett Butler leaves her at the end. But one villain leaving another was not a punishment for me. I was expecting something like she will loose every penny, she will become beggar and leaves rest of her life cursing herself for being so bad.
But this book was so different. After two-three days once again I started to read this book from beginning. This time also when I reached end I was in same confusion, "What this Margaret Mitchel is trying to prove?".
Today my views have completely changed. Why? Now I know life. There is no perfectness in this world. Yes she was a lady with very high ambition, very self oriented, can do anything for money. But I think I hated her more than what she deserved because she was a woman with these characters. I completely ignored some good qualities she was having.
Even tough she hates Melanie she takes care of her. Not only Melanie, Scarlet takes care of whole family and her land Tara during the days of war. Then she marries her sister's love for the sake of money so that she can get her Tara back. I know it's a big mistake. But just imagine the feel of insecurity that might have haunted her during the days of war when no one comes to her rescue. If marrying a girl for dowry is not bad then marrying a man for money sake is also not bad.
So many times Scarlet tells Ashley that she loves him. Even after Ashley marries Melanie! Every time he replies as if he likes Scarlet but due to circumstances he can't marry her. Poor Scarlet! lives her life believing a big lie that Ashly loves her. She realize the truth after the death of Melanie. But it was too late.
Rhett leaves her. As long as Melanie was there Scarlet hates her for being Ashley's wife. But once she comes to know that Ashly doesn't love her, she realizes that she has lost a man who loves her for the sake of this person who never loved her. Only Tara remains in her life.
I can never agree with Scarlet's viewpoint of life. But at the same time I don't no why! but I does not even hate her.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
Winter and spring
I love festivals. During my childhood I used to celebrate every festival in Kadidal. With Ajji :). It is not that I believe all superstitious things. I just love that occasion where every family member will be present. Decorating pooja room, doing pooja with everyone, nice dishes, happiness. To me festival means all these things. But last year I found a new definition of festivals.
During my first year here (In IIT,Bombay) as rooms in hostel were very less they arranged few flats for girls. I was living in one flat. We four girls were there. Me, Carol, Soumya and Saroj. Last years winter of Mumbai was horrible. It was very cold. Inside IIT it is like forest and temperature is even less compared to other parts of Mumbai. We were literally fed up with that cold.
Then during third week of January one morning we were going for breakfast. Soumya said "look at the wind and sunlight. Saraswathi pooja is coming near and in few days holy will come". In our Karnataka we do Saraswathi pooja during Navarathri(Dasara). But Bengali's do it during January. This is the time when winter will slow down and gives way for spring. I was completely dumbstruck by her definition of festival. To me festival means a day that has been marked in calendar. But she don't need calendar. For her festival is something which is very close to nature.
During my first year here (In IIT,Bombay) as rooms in hostel were very less they arranged few flats for girls. I was living in one flat. We four girls were there. Me, Carol, Soumya and Saroj. Last years winter of Mumbai was horrible. It was very cold. Inside IIT it is like forest and temperature is even less compared to other parts of Mumbai. We were literally fed up with that cold.
Then during third week of January one morning we were going for breakfast. Soumya said "look at the wind and sunlight. Saraswathi pooja is coming near and in few days holy will come". In our Karnataka we do Saraswathi pooja during Navarathri(Dasara). But Bengali's do it during January. This is the time when winter will slow down and gives way for spring. I was completely dumbstruck by her definition of festival. To me festival means a day that has been marked in calendar. But she don't need calendar. For her festival is something which is very close to nature.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Sonu Nigam Concert
Tuesday Sonu Nigam live concert was there in IIT. I love his songs. So I was waiting for that event. From 5.oopm we were standing in queue. Somehow we got place. Whole OAT was filled. He was late, but as soon as he entered people were screaming. It was a very new experience for me where in boys and girls were screaming and dancing throughout the show.
I was standing there and observing people. So nicely they were expressing their happiness through their dance and scream. I have never felt like screaming or dancing in my life. When it comes to expressing my feelings most of the time standard deviation is very less between unhappiness, happiness and normal state. Once it was very high for unhappiness, you can guess when! But after that it has become like constant.
When someone hurts me I avoid talking to them for few hours so that my anger will come down. I don't even feel like telling them them that they are hurting me. I don't know whether it's for good or for bad I have reached a state where I have learned to shut my mouth even tough people are talking shit things about me.
I can't say that I enjoyed the show to full extent. Because after going there I felt that I enjoy music when I am alone. And dance numbers are not my choice. But ya, I enjoyed that enthusiasm, energy shown by people. They were continuously dancing and I was wondering "wont they get tired!". And Sonu Nigam was...... was best as usual :)
Ya, it was a new experience for me.
I was standing there and observing people. So nicely they were expressing their happiness through their dance and scream. I have never felt like screaming or dancing in my life. When it comes to expressing my feelings most of the time standard deviation is very less between unhappiness, happiness and normal state. Once it was very high for unhappiness, you can guess when! But after that it has become like constant.
When someone hurts me I avoid talking to them for few hours so that my anger will come down. I don't even feel like telling them them that they are hurting me. I don't know whether it's for good or for bad I have reached a state where I have learned to shut my mouth even tough people are talking shit things about me.
I can't say that I enjoyed the show to full extent. Because after going there I felt that I enjoy music when I am alone. And dance numbers are not my choice. But ya, I enjoyed that enthusiasm, energy shown by people. They were continuously dancing and I was wondering "wont they get tired!". And Sonu Nigam was...... was best as usual :)
Ya, it was a new experience for me.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Relationship
It is so difficult to understand relationships. All my childhood I spent in Kadidal with Ajji. When Ajji was there Kadidal was home for me. I used to get feeling of security which usually we get by reaching home. Ajji was everything for me.
The day Ajji died, morning 8.00 am we reached Kadidal. For the first time I felt as if I am in strange place. For the first time I felt scared that I am alone. Now Kadidal is a strange place for me. At least until Ajja's death I used to visit there. Now............
For the first time I realized the effect of loosing the loved ones. Even on the day of my marriage when that person tied mangalsutra left me alone infront of people and went inside, I felt same scared feeling. Strange when Ajji left my life I felt alone and when this person entered my life I felt the same.
I did become Mrs. Ashwini Arun legally. But by heart I never felt that he is part of mine. His actions, behavior scared me so much that I lost my smile and confidence. It took so much time for me to recover even after kicking him out of my life. To once again smile.
Please, I request people who read this blog. Respect other person's feelings. Everyone in this world has got his own identity and self respect. We call ourself civilized and give advertisement in TV to stop domestic abuse and harassment.
When I asked my x-husband he told me- "I have seen one government officer, whose husband beats her every day. Still she keep quite. Then what is your problem". Please for god sake education is not just for a job.
So much educated, an officer, and everyday abused by her husband! What is the value of that education? Oh you are getting money from which you can get good food, dress and rest everything except self respect. Are you waiting for someone who will come and release you from this pain? It happens only in movie.
And why the hell you expect other person to solve your problem. It's your life? Live it or leave it. But don't waste it for the sake of unworthy people.
The day Ajji died, morning 8.00 am we reached Kadidal. For the first time I felt as if I am in strange place. For the first time I felt scared that I am alone. Now Kadidal is a strange place for me. At least until Ajja's death I used to visit there. Now............
For the first time I realized the effect of loosing the loved ones. Even on the day of my marriage when that person tied mangalsutra left me alone infront of people and went inside, I felt same scared feeling. Strange when Ajji left my life I felt alone and when this person entered my life I felt the same.
I did become Mrs. Ashwini Arun legally. But by heart I never felt that he is part of mine. His actions, behavior scared me so much that I lost my smile and confidence. It took so much time for me to recover even after kicking him out of my life. To once again smile.
Please, I request people who read this blog. Respect other person's feelings. Everyone in this world has got his own identity and self respect. We call ourself civilized and give advertisement in TV to stop domestic abuse and harassment.
When I asked my x-husband he told me- "I have seen one government officer, whose husband beats her every day. Still she keep quite. Then what is your problem". Please for god sake education is not just for a job.
So much educated, an officer, and everyday abused by her husband! What is the value of that education? Oh you are getting money from which you can get good food, dress and rest everything except self respect. Are you waiting for someone who will come and release you from this pain? It happens only in movie.
And why the hell you expect other person to solve your problem. It's your life? Live it or leave it. But don't waste it for the sake of unworthy people.
Friday, November 21, 2008
It's me
Once one person told me that, his fame will go down, if he introduce me as his wife. Then why did you marry me? No answer. I thought about this for so many days. If I was like any other girl, wearing posh dresses, jeans very modern. then?
So after coming to Bombay, I tried to become modern. Guess what? When I used to stand in front of mirror, I wondered at my reflection. But I failed to find Ashwini there. One thing I understood, that even I can become modern. But it is not my identification. I don't even need to change myself for a foolish cheap person, who thinks that he can marry any girl for the sake of his parents but still can enjoy bachelor life flirting with his colleagues by hiding the fact that he is married.
It's me. I don't want to become a stranger to myself anymore.
So after coming to Bombay, I tried to become modern. Guess what? When I used to stand in front of mirror, I wondered at my reflection. But I failed to find Ashwini there. One thing I understood, that even I can become modern. But it is not my identification. I don't even need to change myself for a foolish cheap person, who thinks that he can marry any girl for the sake of his parents but still can enjoy bachelor life flirting with his colleagues by hiding the fact that he is married.
It's me. I don't want to become a stranger to myself anymore.
Pitrupaksha
According to Hindu calendar, months are called as "masa" and after Shravana masa, we get paksha masa. During this masa, in my place, we do pitru paksha. One day in this masa we do pooja to our ancestors, who are no more. So relatives are invited. Food (especially Non-veg) will be prepared. Then they do pooja and all.
People of Thirthalli will be very busy during this masa. Everyday they will be visiting their relatives house for Pitrupaksha. For me, as usual Pitrupaksha means, one occation where I can skip school and go to Kadidal.
One pitrupaksha was very special. Ajja's house in Kadidal is in very beautiful place. Backside there is forest and front paddy field and then one small hill is there. Sometimes cows of other people used to enter Ajja's paddy field. Ajja used to ask us to send them outside. But our aim was to somehow catch those cows. Why? Reason we gave was, to teach lesson to the owners of those cows, that they should not leave their cows to others field. But truth is just for fun we wanted it. Me, Vasuki and Abi tried to catch them. But failed every time.
There was a servant called Ramesha. He gave one idea. He asked one of us to lie on the way to main gate. Remaining two must somehow try to send cow in the direction of main gate. As soon as cow try to jump on the person who is lying on the way, he should catch, back legs of cow. We were kids that time. We didn't even think, what will happen if cow put its leg, on the person who is lying.
We appreciated Ramesha for his brilliant idea and asked him to lie there. He said that he is having some important work. Then we decided that Abi must lie there. He agreed for that. We two went to handle that cow.
Ajja, came back from his farm as soon as he entered main gate, he saw some boy lying there. As abi was fat, soon he recognized it as Abi and he ran to him. Abi was lying there and was singing some song. Then Ajja shouted at him, "why the hell are you lying here?" Me and Vasuki, we heard Ajja's voice. We left cow there itself and ran to Ajji and sat there as decently as possible as if we don't know anything.
Abi there tried to tell some tales but finally he explained everything to Ajja. Ajja entered house with red face. Started scolding on everyone. We three started crying and pointed on Ramesha.
But on one Pitrupaksha, somehow, with the help of Ramesha, finally we caught one cow. Next day morning one person came crying, and he started blaming Ajja "You are aged person. By mistake my cow entered and you have kept it for yourself blabalbala" Everyone was shocked. They were not knowing about our adventure. They started arguing that his cow is not there in our house. Argument went on for a while.
We three were completely confused. Then slowly we told truth to one of my uncle. He got scared for few seconds. Then suddenly he changed his argument. "How can you leave, your cow to our field. You are doing this for so many days.............". My Ajja and other uncles, looked at him in full confusion. He pointed towards us. Then it was clear to them, that we have done some great thing. They also changed their argument completely. At the end, Ajja asked us to say sorry to him. And he asked that person to take his cow along with him. Once he left, we got scoldings from our elders. But that Pitrupaksha was really different.
People of Thirthalli will be very busy during this masa. Everyday they will be visiting their relatives house for Pitrupaksha. For me, as usual Pitrupaksha means, one occation where I can skip school and go to Kadidal.
One pitrupaksha was very special. Ajja's house in Kadidal is in very beautiful place. Backside there is forest and front paddy field and then one small hill is there. Sometimes cows of other people used to enter Ajja's paddy field. Ajja used to ask us to send them outside. But our aim was to somehow catch those cows. Why? Reason we gave was, to teach lesson to the owners of those cows, that they should not leave their cows to others field. But truth is just for fun we wanted it. Me, Vasuki and Abi tried to catch them. But failed every time.
There was a servant called Ramesha. He gave one idea. He asked one of us to lie on the way to main gate. Remaining two must somehow try to send cow in the direction of main gate. As soon as cow try to jump on the person who is lying on the way, he should catch, back legs of cow. We were kids that time. We didn't even think, what will happen if cow put its leg, on the person who is lying.
We appreciated Ramesha for his brilliant idea and asked him to lie there. He said that he is having some important work. Then we decided that Abi must lie there. He agreed for that. We two went to handle that cow.
Ajja, came back from his farm as soon as he entered main gate, he saw some boy lying there. As abi was fat, soon he recognized it as Abi and he ran to him. Abi was lying there and was singing some song. Then Ajja shouted at him, "why the hell are you lying here?" Me and Vasuki, we heard Ajja's voice. We left cow there itself and ran to Ajji and sat there as decently as possible as if we don't know anything.
Abi there tried to tell some tales but finally he explained everything to Ajja. Ajja entered house with red face. Started scolding on everyone. We three started crying and pointed on Ramesha.
But on one Pitrupaksha, somehow, with the help of Ramesha, finally we caught one cow. Next day morning one person came crying, and he started blaming Ajja "You are aged person. By mistake my cow entered and you have kept it for yourself blabalbala" Everyone was shocked. They were not knowing about our adventure. They started arguing that his cow is not there in our house. Argument went on for a while.
We three were completely confused. Then slowly we told truth to one of my uncle. He got scared for few seconds. Then suddenly he changed his argument. "How can you leave, your cow to our field. You are doing this for so many days.............". My Ajja and other uncles, looked at him in full confusion. He pointed towards us. Then it was clear to them, that we have done some great thing. They also changed their argument completely. At the end, Ajja asked us to say sorry to him. And he asked that person to take his cow along with him. Once he left, we got scoldings from our elders. But that Pitrupaksha was really different.
Monday, November 10, 2008
People
After many days I am writing this. Namratha's death made me to think about my fight. Then I have been to Shimoga for Diwali. Yes my life is once again coming to normal state. People there may talk about my life, on my back but at least they don't give that look with sympathy towards me.
Seetha, Prajna were there. I enjoyed this Diwali. Then suddenly one great person showed me that still people are interested to talk about my life. They still get great pleasure in talking sarcastically to me about my life. Hahahahaha.
This person is having so much patience that every time I go to Shimoga, he will scratch his head to find a dialog from which according to him, he will hurt me for failure of my marriage. But the thing was, every time I used to enjoy it, thinking how childish his behaior is. But seeing that his dialog is not affecting me, day by day his dialog level is becoming cheap.
Seetha, Prajna were there. I enjoyed this Diwali. Then suddenly one great person showed me that still people are interested to talk about my life. They still get great pleasure in talking sarcastically to me about my life. Hahahahaha.
This person is having so much patience that every time I go to Shimoga, he will scratch his head to find a dialog from which according to him, he will hurt me for failure of my marriage. But the thing was, every time I used to enjoy it, thinking how childish his behaior is. But seeing that his dialog is not affecting me, day by day his dialog level is becoming cheap.
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